Growing Up As Eeyore //the female version.// Part I

I clearly remember being in the bowling alley with my brother, my aunt and my mother. All the sudden I felt like I didn’t want to do anything, so I sat aside. All I remember saying was, ‘I feel like Eeyore with a gray cloud over my head.’

Who knew Eeyore was depressed?

*Eeyore drops the mic*

Being depressed is like having the flu. When you’re sick, you forget how good you felt, but when you’re depressed, you forget what it’s like to be happy.

But just like the flu, it comes and goes.

You don’t really know when it will hit or at what time. Sometimes I feel like complete sh*t that I have to remind myself that is not my monthly period, it’s this thing that I have to live with and take medication for it.

To be a woman with a mental illness, it takes some balls. Balls that we don’t even have, but somehow we can take it.

This feeling of everything coming down on you, not wanting to get out of bed, not because you are lazy but because there is no sudden meaning in life. If you are lucky enough to have someone by your side that supports you through all of this, write them a note, be thankful for them. Not so many know what it is we are going through.

But hey, one step at a time right?

Hey look! My brother & I back in 1999.

 

 

 

 

Taking Care of Me

Here’s to Pinot noir & every single woman who has struggled to be more beautiful than what they actually are. Now, I’ve seen posts about how makeup make us feel insecure and it doesn’t show the true us. But who is the true you? 

A while ago, I was struggling to make myself a different person than who I was, and this was coming from a very toxic friendship I was in. I was worrying about how my hair looked, how my body image portrayed what I ate, and I wanted to loose weight because I was “too fat” for him. I was only less than 140 lbs. I knew I would need to put an end to this when he made fun of my mental health. Why would you do that? Am I shaming this person? Yes. But only because I know that sometimes there are guys out there that think they have power over you. Thankfully, I got out of that before it even started to get out of control. 

Yes, you can ask why I stayed there for a couple months and I’ll tell you why. He made me feel wanted but sometimes I felt like I had to compete with him to look better. Like always, I have my mom who helped me out A LOT and I mean it when I say it. Both my parents raised me to be a strong independent woman who knows how to take care of herself. He didn’t like that. So I decided to grow a pair of them and tell him straight up. He didn’t like that either. Long story short, I figured that I don’t need to excess on my beauty image. Make-up or no make-up, what counts is that you make peace with your soul inside. Treat your inner self to the max. It’s all what really matters. 

If you are great on the inside, you’ll definitely show it and maybe someone out there will see that good in you and accept you for who YOU are. 

I know I know. You hear this all the time and trust me, I do too. But I’m telling you this because I realized that this shit really happens. 

Find yourself first before you find someone for you. 

If it wasn’t for my mom, my sister, my therapist and friends who I adore very much, each and everyone of you, you know who I’m talking about. If it wasn’t for them, talking me through this episode of feeling insecure and sending this f*ckboy a la fregada, I would’ve never realized that I am fine the way I am.

In the process of finding myself, I wanted to change a couple of things, like buying real makeup and learning from tutorials and my Sephora friends. Doing things that make me happy. Make-up or not make-up we are all beautiful. 

Take care of you in your own ways. Do yoga, run at 5Am, spoil yourself with new Urban Decay, go see the a therapist, don’t wear makeup for a day or two, go to a Buddhist temple and take care of your soul. Go out with friends an eat tacos de adobada without worries. Live a healthy and soulful lifestyle. Pamper yourself or don’t. At the end, any decision that you make will turn out for the better , believe me.

The Color Run San Diego!

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS!

Recently I was chosen to be one of The Color Run ambassadors for San Diego!

I think this, so far, and besides from that Kobe dream I had, is the best thing that has happened to me since I moved out here a year ago.

Anyway, I will include more info below. For those of you near San Diego, come down and experience The Color Run! I also have a running team for the race!

So, since I was named ambassador for The Color Run, I have a $5 OFF coupon code!

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SAN DIEGO, CA

10.10.2015

EXPERIENCE THE SHINE TOUR OCT 10, 2015!

Get your tickets now!

The Shine Tour is here! We have so many surprises in store for you! Grab your besties and spread the word because tickets will go fast!

Team (4+) Runners*	Individual Runner
$35.00/person – Team Runner Pricing	$39.50 – Solo Runner Pricing
$39.50/person – Team Runner Pricing	$45.00 – Solo Runner Pricing
$45.00/person – Starting September 1st, 2015	$50.00 – Starting September 1st, 2015
*A team is 4+ friends running, laughing, and dancing through the course together. You don’t need a full team to get started! Get yourself signed up today and then round up your team!  Encourage them to signup ASAP…creating a team does not hold or reserve spots.  The event can sell out at any time

We can’t wait to see you! Below is all the information you will need to be ready for race day. Grab your tutus, your friends, and your running shoes and we’ll see you at the start line! Start Window The start-line window will open at 7:45 AM with waves going every few minutes until 8:45 AM!  *updated start time*  Make sure you plan your day with plenty of time. At The Color Run, the start line is its own pre-race party with music, dancing, warmup stretching and giveaways! Course Map Qualcomm Stadium 9449 Friars Rd, San Diego, CA 92108 Check-In Party Questions? Please contact our customer service representatives by clicking here. More information is coming soon! Charity Highlight We love chucking paint and making people smile, but we also think it is important to give back. As a for profit company, we are excited we have the opportunity to partner with charities and help shine a light on their extraordinary work within society. We are thrilled to be working with BREAK THE SILENCE AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ™. About Break the Silence against Domestic Violence Break the Silence against Domestic Violence is a national non-profit organization tirelessly working to combat domestic violence. By leading the conversation in speaking out against this issue, providing assistance for those affected by abuse through a nationwide network of chapters, coordinating national events and awareness campaigns, and fostering relationships with major news outlets such as Glamour Magazine, ESPN, and Investigation Discovery, Break the Silence against Domestic Violence provides hope and empowerment for all. Join us at the Color Run San Diego for our Blow the Whistle Challenge, grab your whistles and  learn more about BTS by visiting our website at www.breakthesilencedv.org To learn more about how The Color Run works with charities, click here.

We Do Not Discriminate … On Second Thought …

It is currently almost 5:30PM Pacific Time and I feel angry and agitated.

You could say this is a raw post. It just happened.

As of now, I am on writer’s block.

It has been a year since I moved to San Diego and I haven’t gotten a job.

Now I know you’ll say ‘Holy F*** Sara, what have you been doing instead?’

It’s a tough one.

But let me tell you how recently I have experienced, what is called discrimination.

I didn’t know that’s what it was until I talked about it with my therapist. I’ve experienced racism in the workplace but I don’t think I was discriminated in a job interview.

“We do not discriminate on the basis of race, religion, national origin, color, sex, age, veteran status, or disability.”

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This happened recently, in where I go to a job interview and they ask me questions on about my past employment and how well I can convince a customer to buy their product.

When I moved closer to the border, I realized that everybody speaks Spanglish. Hispanics are to know English and Americans are to speak Spanish.

If I sound a little rude, I am sorry! Sometimes you have to vent it all out.

If I sound like a whiner, let me tell you that you live to learn, I didn’t have the slightest idea this would all happen.

I went to this job interview, right?

I was quite positive and ready for it, as this wasn’t the first time working in that field.

Oh, the hell, I’ll just say that I was too desperate at one point and applied at a fast food restaurant.

THEREEEEE.

Anyway, the manager was asking the usual questions, then she says if I ever had any experience making the food and sweets they have there.

‘Sure thing,’ I say. The manager laughs at me and she says. ‘You talk funny.’

I took it as a joke. But it ticked me off just a tiny bit.

Next, I say I have made chocolate and caramel sundaes.

She says ‘Carmel? What is that?’

So I say, ‘No, carmel, like the syrup topping.’

Then she says, Oh! You mean CAR-A-MEL!’

Like I am someone who can’t hear.

Right there, at that moment, she says ‘Sorry mija, we can’t take you because you speak a different English. We got people coming in from the Tijuana, they won’t understand.’

She said they needed more people like that so customers feel in the right environment.

*Manager drops mic.*

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Maybe, I am overreacting a little bit and MAYBE I should get used to living here. I don’t anymore.

What do you think?

1/4 Philippine?

*In NO way I am trying to discriminate anyone. Get it right, yo.*

So a couple of weeks back, I went to pick up some Padres tickets I had won at the radio station. I knew my way around, as this wasn’t my first time. Anyway, I feel pretty confident you know, get the tickets, sign the waiver and get out. It is usually very quiet in the lobby, and last time I was there, this red-headed lady was getting in a fight.

Anyway, imagine when you meet someone who might be coming from the same place you once lived. You know how it goes like ‘Heeeeeeeeeeeeey, Kansas right?’

BUT IN THIS CASE, YOU’RE NOT FROM KANSAS. YOU’RE JUST A REALLY NICE PERSON WHO SAYS CARAMEL AND CRAYONS DIFFERENTLY.

That’s what happened to me that one day I went to pick up my glorious Padres tickets at the radio station. I walked in like any other day and there is this Philippine chick. So you know, I give this lady all the papers, then she says to me,

‘Philippine?’

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I mean I was flattered honestly, and I mean I had been compared to Asians before, but this is the first time someone actually got specific.

I felt like we connected for a split second, and she was about to tell me about her family and her parents coming to the US, but it wasn’t that way.

Well I guess I should tell you that she also asked because of my last name.

Sandoval is also used in the Philippines. She said she had family members who live back there with the same last name,

Sorry señora.

Anyway, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t talk for a while. But not in front of her. it’s OK.

Now, I do wonder if I am part Philippine …

I feel so sorry for her. I think It would be a bit awkward next time.

Had you ever had that happened to you?

Dear Madre

Dear Madre,
Gracias for dealing with me, my anxiety and depression. 
Thank you for understanding that sometimes I feel like crap and I don’t feel like talking to anybody.
Gracias for having that motherly instinct, and coming to my aid without you really knowing I was trying to commit suicide. 
Thank you for talking me out of it. I was tired of crying in the bathroom.
Ma, sometimes I feel like I’m a walking mistake, like I shouldn’t be here. Sometimes I get mad at you for being you but then I think to myself “F**k, … She’s the only mother I got.”
I can’t replace you. 
As much as I want to run away and never come back there’s quite a lot of love I feel for you, I just don’t show it.
Instead I feel angered for your ways of acting but I shouldn’t feel like this. It’s who you are.
Thank you for getting me help.
Gracias for sitting with me that one time and trying to convince me to see a therapist.
Thank you for giving me rides to see my therapist.
Gracias for all those rides you used to give me to and from work.
Thank you for caring about me when I didn’t notice.

Thank you for being there.
  

Athlete of the Month – June 2015 – RACEPLACE

Athlete of the Month – June 2015 – RACEPLACE.

Unwanted U-turns & Running

A bright early morning or a late night run. Both have something in common. What is it? They boost my self-esteem.

Self-esteem (n): When Sara is full of it but goes out on a run & everything gets better.

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That feeling of running. Nothing I’ve ever felt before. The way it strains my emotions. Leaving the positive ones.

The way you hear the sound of your feet stomping the ground. Stomping that makes you feel like you’re on top of that hill that you’ve always wanted to conquer.

Running changed my life.

I was scared. I didn’t know that loosing a job was going to turn my life hectic. I didn’t know that moving places would impact my life so much.

Running makes me feel like I am on top of it.

It makes me realize that I still have my whole life to live.

We all still have our lives to live.

So if you ever feel down or your life took an quick unwanted u-turn, get out there.

Always push yourself to those limits that seem impossible.

My Honeymoon & Unemployment Part I

No … I am not really married. Well, I am not even married at all. It’s just little old me (by old I mean 20 years old.) Which means why am I even talking about a honeymoon?

About 10 months ago, I stopped working. About 10 months ago, I moved to San Diego. About 10 months ago, I started a new life. But it’s what society has in mind. Yes, I had friends and I still have my family but sometimes you need a little bit of a breather.

So I moved to this wonderful place called San Diego, right? And honestly I wouldn’t want to move away from here. I think it is the most amazing city aside from Aruba and Hawaii. Anyway, I moved last summer from Kansas and honestly I don’t regret living there. Even though people say it’s just a “flyover” state but you don’t really know until you have been there.

                                                                                                                                                   

Honeymoon (n.): When naïve Sara stops working from years after years of doing so and thinks her life will get better.

                                                                                                                                                         

You see, before I started to work, I was 17 years old. You could say I was in the “engagement” part. I was excited about the whole deal but I really didn’t know what was coming. I felt like I wanted to tell everyone that I was going to work and I was going to get some money and have a life.

You can say, well that’s because you worked fast food and could have chosen a better job. I was in high school and didn’t really have a choice and about 70% of America’s population works in the same type of job.

What I really didn’t know was myself having to work 50+ hours per week, being tired of taking people’s order, having to clean up after their mess in the restaurant and restrooms and dealing with not-so-well liked managers. A typical minimum wage worker’s life. For me, THAT was getting “married.” You learn from it. My job didn’t keep me happy, but the paycheck did. Not that I am a gold digger, but when you have gas/water bills and car insurance bills and hospital bills plus your health insurance bill and buying food to eat and paying rent and your lunch money  …

On the bright side, you’re a working American citizen …

Anyhow, the “honeymoon” part is not that bad. Not until you run out of honeymoon time. You start it by quitting your job. Voluntarily. You have all this money saved up. A pretty grand amount and what a better way to spend it than in Las Vegas. What happens there, stays there so I won’t really tell you how I spent it. I’m kidding … I’m not 21 so I literally spent it on souvenirs. Not all of it though because I still had those monthly bills to pay. Then there was your needs and your wants. Did you really need those Nike air fusion tennis shoes or do you need save money for your next phone bill?

Not having to work every single day of your life was pretty fun, to an extent …

5 Lessons from My Second 5k

13 weeks ago, I started training for what I didn’t know would be the best days of my life …

Last week, I ran the Color In Motion 5k and even though it was my first time, 3.1 miles weren’t very easy. Especially running around a stadium’s parking lot, but you do have fun when bright colors are being thrown at you. I finished miles in 30 minutes. Not that bad for my first one. It was really super fun and I believe everybody should try it!

On Sunday, I got up at 5AM, thinking if I should really do it. This time, I had signed up for the San Diego’s Half Marathon (that is what the event is called, I just ran the 5k 😉 ) My time was 38:41 … Not bad for running up and down the hills. It was seriously an unforgettable experience! I am definitely doing it again next year. 🙂

1. Don’t Be Nervous. Even though I could barely sleep the night before, in the morning of the race, there is more of a I CAN DO IT feeling. Running is your therapy. It is one of the best workouts anyone could ever do.

2. Enjoy The Moment. Like I said, it is a really unforgettable experience, make sure you are timing the pace and walk every now and then if you need to. Don’t stress yourself. Quickly snap one or two pictures but make sure to give way to elite runners.

3. Be Proud. The fact that you already got off your bed, had a good breakfast and are running the … (oh the heck, excuse my french) the best damn race in your entire life means that YOU ARE DOING IT! 😀 When you see those photographers taking pictures of you, those people and your family cheering for you, remember that you did it and no one else could beat you to it.

4. Keep Moving. As hard as 3 miles may sound, remember to give it your best but don’t stress. I had to walk/jog half of the second mile. It didn’t mean I was giving up but it is always easier to relax a little bit and look around the city or mountain side scenery. Pace yourself and keep on going!

5. Try Try Again. You did it! You finished the race! Whether it was your first one or not, it is always good to set a personal record. My both race results were 38:41 and 30:00. The fastest one here in San Diego is 17 minutes, which to me is crazy BUT it is reachable 😉 You will be an elite runner someday!

With {love},

Sara ❤